“You want ice? But your drink is already chilled!” – the cameriere (server) said to me the first time I was in Italy years ago. He couldn’t understand why I would want ice as my drink was already to be served to me at the perfect temperature, and was doing his best to save me from an unnecessarily watered down drink.
After many years and significant time spent in Italy, there are some unspoken rules I have come to know well. Most I follow like religion, some I don’t. The truth is that not everybody, including not every Italian, adheres to them. Nonetheless they “exist”, and as a traveler in Italy you’d be wise to be able to recognize them.
We publish this as both respectful ode to Italian culture and also a thoughtful way to usher our STC travelers and guests into Italian culture from the get-go. With STC, we want you to feel included, local, and in-the-know. Listen or don’t listen, sound off, feel free to let us know what you think or tell us about your experience with these unspoken rules. You can contact us here and we would love to hear from you. But read on if you want to avoid side-eye from the locals 🙂
1. Cappuccino time ends at 11am – best thereafter not to order one. But really you can, sort of. The idea is that it is not good for your digestion or palatable to drink a bunch of milk after eating a substantial meal – but with a pastry in the morning it’s ok. Generally speaking Italians only drink cappuccino in the morning hours and never with or after eating a substantial meal because of all of that milk in your stomach. That being said, I was recently in a local bar in Tuscany at ~3:00pm and a beautiful elderly Italian couple walked in, sat down, and promptly ordered and were served “due cappuccini” (2 cappuccinos) no problem. So – you can if you want. I’d avoid ordering a cappuccino with any meal, but have fun and do what you like! Sort of 🙂
2. You’d be wise to avoid asking for ketchup – they don’t have it.
3. No cheese on seafood (controversial). In reality, a lot of people do now including Italians. Basically, a good rule to stick to: don’t put parmesan on anything unless it’s offered.
4. No pineapple on pizza. Ever. No matter what. Just don’t.
5. Don’t expect them to bring you the check at a restaurant – the point is to linger. This is one of the best parts of Italian culture, in my opinion, and totally different than dining out in the US. Dinner is not before the event of the night, it IS the event of the night. Go slow. Enjoy yourself. Let the camerieri (very skilled and professional servers) guide you. They are experts at the local cuisine and wine and are there to help you.
6. No flip flops. In parts of the world such as SoCal in the US, flip flops are interwoven into the culture. Not the case in Italy. Shoes and fashion are accounted for, even in the grocery store. You will be fine with closed-toed shoes of any nature, but we would advise avoiding flip flops. You could always have fun shoe shopping, I do!
7. Expect to walk, carry things. Italians walk a lot, it’s normal here, including up hills. You will too when you are here, but we bet you won’t notice it much as you will be surrounded by art, views, and unparalleled beauty. Don’t forget that in the late afternoon you can reward yourself with a spritz & a view 🙂
8. You have to give them your passport at hotels, it’s normal (they will give it back to you). Many Americans are nervous about this. Please don’t be. It’s Italian law that they must take your information, the hotel and reception attendants are just following regulation. They will give you back your passport 100% of the time.
9. Expect direct communication. Italians are not passive aggressive. If you need to do or know something, they will tell you, it’s not an assault. For example, you will hear Italians assertively saying “Permesso!” on busses, in the street, in the narrow aisles of the supermercati…it is not to offend you. It is simply so they can get by and in a polite manner. Step aside and let them. And if you are feeling brave, you can say the same on a vaporetto in Venice when it’s your stop 🙂
10. Things are closed in the afternoon. Learn to go with it. The afternoon hours (between lunch and aperitivo) are wonderful for napping, strolling, resting, talking. Take advantage of this lull in the day – like the Italians do. This is an invaluable and integral part of Italian culture.
11. Don’t expect ice in drinks. You can have it if you ask for it, but it’s not automatically put in your drink. The reason is not to be stingy – most cold drinks in Italy are pre-chilled, at the temperature they are meant to be enjoyed, and they want you to enjoy them without the drink being watered down by a bunch of ice the way the Americans do it. If you do venture out and ask for “ghiaccio” (ice), be prepared for it to be served to you 4-5 cubes at a time, in a special dish, with a tiny spoon, maybe some stunned looks. It’s fine, I ask for it often – just never in wine 😉
12. Drink your coffee standing at the bar, rather than take it with you. It’s Italian coffee culture and it’s amazing.
13. Air conditioning is not ubiquitous. Enjoy that Italian sun!
14. Meatballs don’t go with spaghetti. Meatballs, or “polpette” as they are called, are served in some regions, but usually as a meat dish after the pasta. Not with the pasta. Unless you are in Abruzzo!
15. Don’t dip your bread in balsamic, or ask for it. Olive oil is ok…sort of. But really, when they put bread on your table it’s meant to be enjoyed with and after your pasta – to “fare la scarpetta”. That is – to drag it across your plate to recoup the leftover sauce after you have finished every last bite of pasta. The olive oil on the table is meant to be a “condimento” – a seasoning for everything. Yes, for your bread. But also for your pasta, your vegetable “contorno” (side dish), your “secondo” or meat. It is not meant to pour on a plate the way Americans do and drag your bread through it. The way to use olive oil on your bread in a restaurant in Italy is to put a piece of bread on the side plate and lightly “season” it (pour) the good olive oil on the bread and taste it – to get a sense of the deliciousness of the olive oil which will later “season” your “piatti” (dishes). Don’t expect butter to be served with your bread in Italy. The olive oil is better anyway!
16. Pay with cash, in small bills, when you can. Restaurant and shop owners will be pleased with you if you do.
17. If you are getting pizza, order one pizza per person – pizzas are not shared in Italy. This is because each pizza is crafted for the person and is the perfect size, and lightness, for each individual person. If you don’t finish the entire pizza that is ok and you can take it with you. But pizzeria etiquette is one pizza per person no sharing.
18. Don’t touch the fruit! At markets, outdoor markets, grocery stores ask for assistance before touching anything or at the very least don the plastic gloves they have available. You will save yourself looks and grief. Also, the market vendors enjoy helping you, picking the best, most ripe and delicious fruit – talk with them. Tell them what you plan on doing with it, making, or how delicious it looks. Markets are great for conversations with the locals and they are always nice and willing to help, chat, and give you the best of what they have to offer.
